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3 Tips For Greater Influence and Impact
Dec 01, 2022

Do you know you need to have a difficult conversation and it fills you with dread?


Would you like to have a high stakes conversation but aren’t sure how?


Do you want to influence an outcome but every time you try to talk with the other person, you leave feeling frustrated, unheard, misunderstood, and seething with anger?


Here are 3 tips to communicate for greater influence and impact, whether that is with your partner, your boss, or your team.


1. Know Your Goal


Before you engage in any important conversation, first take some time to think carefully about what you hope to accomplish by the end of the conversation. If you do not know where you want to go, then you will never be able to chart a course to get there. So ask yourself:


If I had a magic wand, what would the ideal outcome of the conversation be?

What am I really trying to accomplish with this conversation?

What do I want the other person to start, stop, or change?


Once you know exactly where the goal line is, then you can utilize the other tips to prepare a strategy to get you there.

2. What’s In It for Them?


Too often, when we are trying to influence or persuade, we suffer from myopathy. We only look at the issue from our own perspective. In order to increase your effectiveness, you need to flip the script and consider the issue from the perspective of the other person. Standing in their shoes, ask yourself:


Why should they agree with me?


What motivates them?


What is important to them?


How could this benefit them?


Then include the most compelling reasons why they should agree with you in your conversation. Do not assume that they will think of the ways in which something might actually benefit them. Explicitly connect the dots for them.


3. Rehearse


Practice what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. You can do this with a coach or trusted friend. You can talk to yourself in the mirror. You can record yourself on Zoom and watch it back. After each practice session, ask yourself:


What went well?


What do I want to change?


Then practice some more. Practice until it flows out of your mouth with ease and there is nothing you would like to change.  

Implementing any one of these 3 tips will instantly increase your influence, improve your outcomes, and perhaps even enhance your relationships.

If you are ready to gain clarity and confidence in order to maximize your influence before your next important conversation, I’d love to support you. Book a consultation with me.


By Colleen Byers 06 Feb, 2024
Managing Emotional Clients Colleen L. Byers collaborated with fellow neuroscience geek and mediator, Chris Osborn, to deliver this month’s Expert Continuing Legal Education (CLE) Series sponsored by the North Carolina Bar Association. Colleen co-presented about the impact of trauma on clients in the legal system and shared some practical tools for managing difficult emotions within ourselves (as lawyers or as mediators) as well as with our clients. View the CLE, which includes 1 hour of Mental Health/Substance Abuse credit in North Carolina here .
By Colleen Byers 31 Jan, 2024
You have been mediating and negotiating all day long. You are fully invested and can sometimes glimpse the fragile light at the end of the tunnel. Suddenly, all the momentum that has been slowly building all day seems to come to a screeching halt. How do you avoid crashing into an unbreakable impasse? First things first. Pause and take a deep breath. Then take another deep breath for good measure. Then get a sheet of paper and a pen. Along the left side of the paper, write the numbers 1 through 5. Now, with pen in hand, ask yourself these questions and write the responses next to numbers 1 through 5. What is the craziest idea I can think of to solve this problem? What is the second craziest idea I can think of to solve this problem? What is a variation of the other side’s idea that would work for me with an adjustment? What is another idea? What else might work? You have now generated five new possible ways to solve this problem that you can share with the other side to keep the negotiation moving forward and avoid running straight into an impasse. Let me give you a real-life example. My daughters were fighting over the most coveted seat on the couch. The older child asserted, “This is my spot. I always sit here.” The younger child claimed, “But I was here first today!” Unsurprisingly, their attempts to persuade the other to acquiesce were unsuccessful. They are not old enough to engage lawyers to determine who had the stronger legal claim to the coveted seat on the couch but they both came running to me pleading their respective cases in hopes that I would serve as the arbitrator. I declined to serve as an arbitrator but did put my mediator hat on. We all sat at the kitchen table with paper and pen to brainstorm possible solutions that would work for both of them. You may be wondering how I got my young children to do this. I told them that they could not watch any television until they found a solution to which they could both say yes. So down they sat with pen in hand. Using questions 1 through 5 above, as prompts, they generated the following ideas: Take turns – alternate days; Take turns – set a timer and then switch; Sit on top of each other; Build a fort on the couch for both of us. Then we went back through the list one by one, and I asked each child if they were a “yes” or a “no” for that particular idea. Here is what that looked like:
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